So I got this random email from some guy. Thought it might be someone I knew from one of my account back when I was more forum-active so I asked if I knew him. I didn't, but he seemed to put a lot of effort into this bullcrap of a response so I figured I'd share it:
Thanks for your swift response. I sincerely apologize for intruding into your privacy, especially by contacting you through this means for a business transaction of this magnitude, but I had to do it for the security of the information that I want to pass across to you and as such, I want our communication to be basically through email for now. I want you to partner with me in getting back the money (10,600,000.00 GBP) left behind in a fixed deposit account in our bank by a citizen of India, Mr. Rime Vishnuramann. If this will endanger your position and reputation, I would not have contacted you. This is safe and beneficial. I am presently the operations manager of our Bank in Harrods Bank Limited, please do not expose this transaction for any reason, I will give you more information of myself, our bank and the transaction itself once you write again.
Late Mr. Rime Vishnuramann lived and worked in Aberdeen City as an international businessman. He deposited in our bank the sum of Ten Million, Six Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds (10,600,000.00 GBP) as fixed deposit. This deposit has long matured and has gone dormant for about three years. We have tried to reach him and could not. His telephone number could not be reached, emails sent to him kept bouncing back as undelivered and we never got any response from the letters posted to his residential address. This issue prompted me to carry out an independent investigation about his whereabouts since he did not provide a next of kin or beneficiary at the time he made the deposit with us. I later realized with shock that he died sometime in June 2008 of heart related illness in a Scotland hospital. His death was not reported to our bank from that time till this moment and nobody in our bank is aware of this. He was a kind hearted man and give money out freely. I pray his soul rest in peace
However, I have on my own made several enquiries at his embassy and no information of him was found, which I find weird. My effort to locate any of his relatives took me to his country and the regional passport office in New Delhi informed me that the passport number was irrelevant and not issued anywhere in India. Since this is the issue, I want you to apply as the next of kin of the deceased to claim the deposit from our bank. It does not matter whether you knew him or not, it does not matter if you have any kind of relationship with him or not. I will guide you all the way to make this claim. This is not a matter of being greedy or having ugly morals, it is not the best to leave the money to eventually end up in Government hands while we have the opportunity to live better with it. This is a risk free transaction, as I am the Operations Manager of our Bank and the final approval of your application will be done by my department. Once it is approved, you will have the right to claim the money. And when it is transferred to you, I will come to meet with you in order to share the money which will be into two equal parts (50:50) for each of us after deducting all the costs incurred in getting the money.
With my influence, our bank will tender the necessary documents to appropriate authorities, like your country's central bank to enable a smooth transfer of the money into your bank account. Everything will be done legally, have no fear about this. Right now, I have all the copies of the documents relating to the fixed deposit late Mr. Rime Vishnuramann made that you will file to back up this claim. All I require now is your honest cooperation to enable us make this claim and we have to do this within shortest time possible. If you are willing to do this with me, write back and I shall inform you on what next to do. If nothing is done immediately, the money will be returned to the government treasury as an abandoned fund and we will gain nothing from it. I am waiting for your consent in order to move to the next step towards getting the fund.
Thank you and I am waiting.