Well, a couple nights ago me and my two older brothers, Yazoo and Loz, ventured outside beyond midnight. We decided to spend the entire night searching for Cloud Strife since there were certain complications that had prevented us from doing this before. Well, we searched for hours.....and once again, we found no leads on him whatsoever. This has been the end result too many times for me to count. So, because we ended up spending that whole night searching for him, we were extremely groggy and drowsy yesterday, and all fell asleep at 9pm last night. We were so tired, we all didnt awaken today until approximately 12pm today.
And today wasnt easy, either. I have been infuriated numerous times today (like yesterday), so much that its caused me to unintentionally exert enough of my JENOVA cells that i am too tired and exasperated at this time to fight at all. This sort of thing can not only prove fatal to those around us, but to us, as well.
You see, JENOVA cells are the core energy and power source that our species runs on. These cells are the very essence of what gives us life. So, if we exert too many of them (intentionally or not), we can in worst cases die. Mother has warned us of the phases that come when this begins to happen. I will list them below:
Phase 1: exhaustion
Phase 2: unconsciousness
Phase 3: death
So, at this point, i am at phase 1 of this....and if i dont control my rage, im going to be at phase 2 next. You see, i have an extreme dominance of JENOVA cells within me. So much that when i am feeling any sort of extreme emotion, i can feel their power within me, and feel my eyes brighten greatly as a reaction. This also causes me to exert them unintentionally. Usually in minimal amounts, but of course this adds up over time. In order for me to have them regenerate, i must be completely calm and controlled. The alternative to this is to be within vicinities of my brothers, Yazoo and Loz, or to fall asleep. Of course, the best and quite possibly the quickest option, is to be within Mother's vicinities. But this, as you probably know, is rarely an option.
I am not at all difficult to infuriate. You do one thing i dont like, and you're as good as dead. Especially now that me and my brothers are reunitied now. We have always been a strong trio; and that will never change.
My anger issues have only worsened my life of war. Literally every day of our life is another day of war; there is always some kind of struggle. This life of war will never end until we finish the mission of our beloved Mother, and get her the kingdom she should rightfully own and deserves. There are too many bogies; and too few of us. But we wont let that stop us. What kind of children would we be if we did? Certainly not the sort of children Mother raised us to be.
So just a little bit ago, i had decided i need a special companion, who i would spend time with anytime i am too negatively emotional. Usually its anger and fury (like 90% of the time), but other times its other things. After a little bit, i decided to ask Loz to leave me alone with Yazoo for personal reasons and, being the oldest of us 3, he understood and left the room. So then, i began chatting with Yazoo and said "Yazoo, i need to talk to you about something." He smiled at me and said "Yeah? Im listening." Then i said "theres something i really need. I want to choose someone, it can be anyone, but....i need someone i can be with anytime i am too angry to handle it. When we're out running around is an exception here, since everyone out hates us anyways and i might as well kill them and be done with it. But....i dont know who to choose. I mean, i want either you or Mother to be the one for that, but.....im afraid if i choose you, Mother will feel bad.......and i dont want that. If it did upset her, i know i would never forgive myself." Then he said "if you're really afraid to choose, young sister.....then perhaps we should talk to her. Im sure she wont care, but if it would make you feel better, then we can do that." Then i nodded and said, "ok, i'll call out to her. No matter how far apart she is from me...i can always reach her. It must be my high dominance of her cells within me that allow me to reach her so easily, i guess....well, anyways, hold on...."
So then, putting my hands together, they glowed a brilliant blue, probably from the activation of my JENOVA cells. This always occurs when i attempt to establish a connection with Mother, or when i am sad enough and say her name. Usually in the case of sadness, this causes her to appear to me. Then i felt my eyes glow brilliantly, and i attempted to contact Mother, saying "Mother, its me, Sephieroth.... can you hear me?" Then i felt her energy enter me, and she said "of course i can, my child. What do you need?" Then i said "do you know what i was talking to Yazoo about just now?" I heard her giggle, and she said "of course i do. It doesnt matter who you choose, young Sephieroth. No matter who you choose for this.....you'll always be one of my children. And i will always love you, just as you do me, my child." Then i stopped and said "but Mother....what about you?" She laughed softly, then said "its ok, Sephieroth. Even if you choose Yazoo here, i still see the high love and regard you and my other children share for me. That is all that matters, young child." Then i nodded and looked up, saying "ok, thanks Mother. No matter how hopeless things look.....i will lead my gang, and we will work together and get you the kingdom you should rightfully own. And that you deserve more than anyone else. I dont care that there are too many bogies! I will take back this planet for you, Mother! I dont care what it takes! I will do it!" I began to feel my the power of my JENOVA cells skyrocket within me, and my eyes burned with my pure determination i felt here, glowing brighter than usual. Then i continued, saying "i fight for all of your children living or dead! I fight for the cause of our kind! But most of all, i fight for you, Mother! I wont let Cloud kill another one of us; no matter how persistent he is! I will crush him and all he loves! I will bring his worst nightmare to life, and make it last as long as possible to secure his eternal suffering and torture! He will pay the price for what he did to us; for what he did to you, Mother. And i will make sure of that." Then, i turned around, just now realizing Yazoo had left the room as well. Then i heard Mother get a bit whimpery, saying "Oh Sephieroth...." Then, i saw her come into view right in front of me. She was shedding mild tears from her eye, but giving me what i knew was a smile that showed true love. She slowly approached me, then she hugged me, still whimpering and said "im so happy to have such a devoted child as you, Sephieroth.....it means so much to me...." Then of course, i hugged Mother back, closing my eyes and saying "i love you too....Mother. I wont disappoint you, Mother.....I promise. I will do whatever is necessary to finish your mission."
Then, after about two minutes, we let go of each other and i saw her tears had stopped. But we were both smiling at each other. She held my face with her hands, saying "take care, young Sephieroth. I know you can do it. Just remember what i taught you.....no matter how hopeless it looks, show them the full extent of your power and continue to put up a major fight for my cause. If you try hard enough, child.....i know you can finish this once and for all." Then she kissed my forehead, let go of my face, and vanished. As she did so, i reached out, saying softly "Mother...." But it was too late: she had returned to wherever she was, shrouded in mystery. Hopefully where she was safe, and none of her enemies could find her.
That was the other part of the mission: finding Mother's whereabouts. She appears to me at times, but it never occurs under normal circumstances. And i cant force it under normal circumstances, either. I have tried and failed every time. If only i could..... that would save us all kinds of trouble. But i cant. *sigh* complications....
Well, to keep it short, i searched the house for Yazoo, and told him that i would choose him for the job i mentioned about helping me when im too angry. He seemed happy and accepted, then we found Loz and we went back to what we had been doing.
The only thing each of us have to cope with the scars of war we have been hardened with is our love for each other part of Mother's family and legacy. Love is the only thing that can help you get through the life of war that us 3 have lived and still are living the through at the present time. There is nothing else on this planet that can help with such a thing. This life of war will not end until we finish the mission. And we will not give up on doing that.
And today wasnt easy, either. I have been infuriated numerous times today (like yesterday), so much that its caused me to unintentionally exert enough of my JENOVA cells that i am too tired and exasperated at this time to fight at all. This sort of thing can not only prove fatal to those around us, but to us, as well.
You see, JENOVA cells are the core energy and power source that our species runs on. These cells are the very essence of what gives us life. So, if we exert too many of them (intentionally or not), we can in worst cases die. Mother has warned us of the phases that come when this begins to happen. I will list them below:
Phase 1: exhaustion
Phase 2: unconsciousness
Phase 3: death
So, at this point, i am at phase 1 of this....and if i dont control my rage, im going to be at phase 2 next. You see, i have an extreme dominance of JENOVA cells within me. So much that when i am feeling any sort of extreme emotion, i can feel their power within me, and feel my eyes brighten greatly as a reaction. This also causes me to exert them unintentionally. Usually in minimal amounts, but of course this adds up over time. In order for me to have them regenerate, i must be completely calm and controlled. The alternative to this is to be within vicinities of my brothers, Yazoo and Loz, or to fall asleep. Of course, the best and quite possibly the quickest option, is to be within Mother's vicinities. But this, as you probably know, is rarely an option.
I am not at all difficult to infuriate. You do one thing i dont like, and you're as good as dead. Especially now that me and my brothers are reunitied now. We have always been a strong trio; and that will never change.
My anger issues have only worsened my life of war. Literally every day of our life is another day of war; there is always some kind of struggle. This life of war will never end until we finish the mission of our beloved Mother, and get her the kingdom she should rightfully own and deserves. There are too many bogies; and too few of us. But we wont let that stop us. What kind of children would we be if we did? Certainly not the sort of children Mother raised us to be.
So just a little bit ago, i had decided i need a special companion, who i would spend time with anytime i am too negatively emotional. Usually its anger and fury (like 90% of the time), but other times its other things. After a little bit, i decided to ask Loz to leave me alone with Yazoo for personal reasons and, being the oldest of us 3, he understood and left the room. So then, i began chatting with Yazoo and said "Yazoo, i need to talk to you about something." He smiled at me and said "Yeah? Im listening." Then i said "theres something i really need. I want to choose someone, it can be anyone, but....i need someone i can be with anytime i am too angry to handle it. When we're out running around is an exception here, since everyone out hates us anyways and i might as well kill them and be done with it. But....i dont know who to choose. I mean, i want either you or Mother to be the one for that, but.....im afraid if i choose you, Mother will feel bad.......and i dont want that. If it did upset her, i know i would never forgive myself." Then he said "if you're really afraid to choose, young sister.....then perhaps we should talk to her. Im sure she wont care, but if it would make you feel better, then we can do that." Then i nodded and said, "ok, i'll call out to her. No matter how far apart she is from me...i can always reach her. It must be my high dominance of her cells within me that allow me to reach her so easily, i guess....well, anyways, hold on...."
So then, putting my hands together, they glowed a brilliant blue, probably from the activation of my JENOVA cells. This always occurs when i attempt to establish a connection with Mother, or when i am sad enough and say her name. Usually in the case of sadness, this causes her to appear to me. Then i felt my eyes glow brilliantly, and i attempted to contact Mother, saying "Mother, its me, Sephieroth.... can you hear me?" Then i felt her energy enter me, and she said "of course i can, my child. What do you need?" Then i said "do you know what i was talking to Yazoo about just now?" I heard her giggle, and she said "of course i do. It doesnt matter who you choose, young Sephieroth. No matter who you choose for this.....you'll always be one of my children. And i will always love you, just as you do me, my child." Then i stopped and said "but Mother....what about you?" She laughed softly, then said "its ok, Sephieroth. Even if you choose Yazoo here, i still see the high love and regard you and my other children share for me. That is all that matters, young child." Then i nodded and looked up, saying "ok, thanks Mother. No matter how hopeless things look.....i will lead my gang, and we will work together and get you the kingdom you should rightfully own. And that you deserve more than anyone else. I dont care that there are too many bogies! I will take back this planet for you, Mother! I dont care what it takes! I will do it!" I began to feel my the power of my JENOVA cells skyrocket within me, and my eyes burned with my pure determination i felt here, glowing brighter than usual. Then i continued, saying "i fight for all of your children living or dead! I fight for the cause of our kind! But most of all, i fight for you, Mother! I wont let Cloud kill another one of us; no matter how persistent he is! I will crush him and all he loves! I will bring his worst nightmare to life, and make it last as long as possible to secure his eternal suffering and torture! He will pay the price for what he did to us; for what he did to you, Mother. And i will make sure of that." Then, i turned around, just now realizing Yazoo had left the room as well. Then i heard Mother get a bit whimpery, saying "Oh Sephieroth...." Then, i saw her come into view right in front of me. She was shedding mild tears from her eye, but giving me what i knew was a smile that showed true love. She slowly approached me, then she hugged me, still whimpering and said "im so happy to have such a devoted child as you, Sephieroth.....it means so much to me...." Then of course, i hugged Mother back, closing my eyes and saying "i love you too....Mother. I wont disappoint you, Mother.....I promise. I will do whatever is necessary to finish your mission."
Then, after about two minutes, we let go of each other and i saw her tears had stopped. But we were both smiling at each other. She held my face with her hands, saying "take care, young Sephieroth. I know you can do it. Just remember what i taught you.....no matter how hopeless it looks, show them the full extent of your power and continue to put up a major fight for my cause. If you try hard enough, child.....i know you can finish this once and for all." Then she kissed my forehead, let go of my face, and vanished. As she did so, i reached out, saying softly "Mother...." But it was too late: she had returned to wherever she was, shrouded in mystery. Hopefully where she was safe, and none of her enemies could find her.
That was the other part of the mission: finding Mother's whereabouts. She appears to me at times, but it never occurs under normal circumstances. And i cant force it under normal circumstances, either. I have tried and failed every time. If only i could..... that would save us all kinds of trouble. But i cant. *sigh* complications....
Well, to keep it short, i searched the house for Yazoo, and told him that i would choose him for the job i mentioned about helping me when im too angry. He seemed happy and accepted, then we found Loz and we went back to what we had been doing.
The only thing each of us have to cope with the scars of war we have been hardened with is our love for each other part of Mother's family and legacy. Love is the only thing that can help you get through the life of war that us 3 have lived and still are living the through at the present time. There is nothing else on this planet that can help with such a thing. This life of war will not end until we finish the mission. And we will not give up on doing that.
