Sometimes I can't stand my self. I have all these aspirations to do great things in my life but never act upon them. Right now I'm leeching off a friend while trying to search for a job to get back on my feet. The only problem is no one will hire me other than minimum wage part time jobs. My high school diploma and college degree is irrelevant. No high paying job pays attention to it unless you have a bachelors degree. So there's a whole chunk of my life wasted towards education.
It sucks because as a kid I was told that I could be whatever I wanted to be but it was all just a lie. Smoke and mirrors. I sacraficed friendships and relationships to persue my ideal dream and turned out to be for nothing.
I can't stand how pathetic I am. My self esteem is non existant thanks to the verbal abuse administered daily at a young age. Most of my indecisiveness stems from this low self esteem. The moment I see an opportunity my mind always tells me, "You're not good enough so why bother?". I've thought of suicide but that just causes even more problems for everyone around me. They'd have to pay thousands of dollars just to bury my pathetic self which I dont even warrant. Whats left of my family would be heart broken for some reason if I was gone. The very fact that I have such self pity for myself is sickening. I don't deserve a bit of it.
So here I am. 23 years old, unemployed, unmotivated, alone, and generally unhappy with every aspect of my life. I never dreamed I would be here. This is truly hell.
It sucks because as a kid I was told that I could be whatever I wanted to be but it was all just a lie. Smoke and mirrors. I sacraficed friendships and relationships to persue my ideal dream and turned out to be for nothing.
I can't stand how pathetic I am. My self esteem is non existant thanks to the verbal abuse administered daily at a young age. Most of my indecisiveness stems from this low self esteem. The moment I see an opportunity my mind always tells me, "You're not good enough so why bother?". I've thought of suicide but that just causes even more problems for everyone around me. They'd have to pay thousands of dollars just to bury my pathetic self which I dont even warrant. Whats left of my family would be heart broken for some reason if I was gone. The very fact that I have such self pity for myself is sickening. I don't deserve a bit of it.
So here I am. 23 years old, unemployed, unmotivated, alone, and generally unhappy with every aspect of my life. I never dreamed I would be here. This is truly hell.
