Ruby
Omega Ruby
Towns Folk
Here is some Mario Stories for you to read.
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Mario, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling excessively frustrated, Mario poked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Mushroom was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Luigi. Mario had known Luigi for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Luigi was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... selfish. Mario called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Luigi picked up to a very sad Mario. Luigi calmly assured him that most legless puppies shudder before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually surreptitiously shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mario. Why was Luigi trying to distract Mario? Because he had snuck out from Mario's with the Mushroom only three days prior. It was a curious little Mushroom... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Mario got back to the subject at hand: his Mushroom. Luigi turned red. Relunctantly, Luigi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Mushroom. Mario grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Luigi realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Mushroom and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Mario took the magic flying carpet, he had take at least eleven minutes before Mario would get there. But if he took the Kart? Then Luigi would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Luigi was interrupted by two oafish Goombas that were lured by his Mushroom. Luigi belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he carefully reached for his carrot and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Kart rolling up. It was Mario.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Mario was out of the Kart and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Luigi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Luigi was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Mushroom into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his canoe. Luigi was pleased but at least the Mushroom was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Luigi exotically purred. With a inept push, Mario opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish beer-sloshed tool in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Luigi assured him. Mario took a seat RIGHT next to where Luigi had hidden the Mushroom. Luigi grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Mario was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Luigi noticed a clueless look on Mario's face. Mario slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Luigi felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Mario asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Mushroom right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Mario's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mario nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Luigi could react, Mario aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Mushroom was plainly in view.
Mario stared at Luigi for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Luigi groped wildly in Mario's direction, clearly desperate. Mario grabbed the Mushroom and bolted for the door. It was locked. Luigi let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mario,' he rebuked. Luigi always had been a little funny-smelling, so Mario knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Luigi did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his Mushroom tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Luigi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mario. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Mario. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Luigi walked over to the window and looked down. Mario was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Mario was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Luigi's place. Mario had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Goombas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Mushroom. One by one they latched on to Mario. Already weakened from his injury, Mario yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Goombas running off with his Mushroom.
But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored Mario's Mushroom. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Goombas for their injustice. Then He got in His pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and sputtered away with the fortitude of 153 spotted wolf hamsters running from a huge pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Mario vomited with joy when he saw this. His Mushroom was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, The Bowser Show, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet malaria'). Mario was giddy. And so, everyone except Luigi and a few rusty razor blade-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Luigi picked up to a very sad Mario. Luigi calmly assured him that most legless puppies shudder before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually surreptitiously shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mario. Why was Luigi trying to distract Mario? Because he had snuck out from Mario's with the Mushroom only three days prior. It was a curious little Mushroom... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Mario got back to the subject at hand: his Mushroom. Luigi turned red. Relunctantly, Luigi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Mushroom. Mario grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Luigi realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Mushroom and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Mario took the magic flying carpet, he had take at least eleven minutes before Mario would get there. But if he took the Kart? Then Luigi would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Luigi was interrupted by two oafish Goombas that were lured by his Mushroom. Luigi belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he carefully reached for his carrot and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Kart rolling up. It was Mario.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Mario was out of the Kart and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Luigi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Luigi was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Mushroom into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his canoe. Luigi was pleased but at least the Mushroom was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Luigi exotically purred. With a inept push, Mario opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish beer-sloshed tool in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Luigi assured him. Mario took a seat RIGHT next to where Luigi had hidden the Mushroom. Luigi grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Mario was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Luigi noticed a clueless look on Mario's face. Mario slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Luigi felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Mario asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Mushroom right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Mario's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mario nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Luigi could react, Mario aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Mushroom was plainly in view.
Mario stared at Luigi for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Luigi groped wildly in Mario's direction, clearly desperate. Mario grabbed the Mushroom and bolted for the door. It was locked. Luigi let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mario,' he rebuked. Luigi always had been a little funny-smelling, so Mario knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Luigi did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his Mushroom tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Luigi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mario. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Mario. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Luigi walked over to the window and looked down. Mario was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Mario was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Luigi's place. Mario had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Goombas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Mushroom. One by one they latched on to Mario. Already weakened from his injury, Mario yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Goombas running off with his Mushroom.
But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored Mario's Mushroom. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Goombas for their injustice. Then He got in His pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and sputtered away with the fortitude of 153 spotted wolf hamsters running from a huge pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Mario vomited with joy when he saw this. His Mushroom was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, The Bowser Show, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet malaria'). Mario was giddy. And so, everyone except Luigi and a few rusty razor blade-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
It all started when our uber geek, Bowser, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely pleased, Bowser attacked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved Wand was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Bowser JR.. Bowser had known Bowser JR. for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were curious ones. Bowser JR. was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... clueless. Bowser called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Bowser JR. picked up to a very mad Bowser. Bowser JR. calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies sigh before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually indiscriminately sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Bowser. Why was Bowser JR. trying to distract Bowser? Because he had snuck out from Bowser's with the Wand only three days prior. It was a striking little Wand... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Bowser got back to the subject at hand: his Wand. Bowser JR. yawned. Relunctantly, Bowser JR. invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Wand. Bowser grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Bowser JR. realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Wand and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Bowser took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least eleven minutes before Bowser would get there. But if he took the Kart? Then Bowser JR. would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Bowser JR. was interrupted by four funny-smelling Toads that were lured by his Wand. Bowser JR. grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he thoughtfully reached for his ninja star and carefully deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Kart rolling up. It was Bowser.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Bowser was out of the Kart and went wildly jaunting toward Bowser JR.'s front door. Meanwhile inside, Bowser JR. was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Wand into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his canoe. Bowser JR. was concerned but at least the Wand was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Bowser JR. charismatically purred. With a mighty push, Bowser opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish beer-sloshed tool in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Bowser JR. assured him. Bowser took a seat nearby where Bowser JR. had hidden the Wand. Bowser JR. cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Bowser was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Bowser JR. noticed a annoying look on Bowser's face. Bowser slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Bowser JR. felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Bowser asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Wand right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Bowser's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Bowser nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Bowser JR. could react, Bowser fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Wand was plainly in view.
Bowser stared at Bowser JR. for what what must've been four nanoseconds. Absolutely thrilled, Bowser JR. groped explosively in Bowser's direction, clearly desperate. Bowser grabbed the Wand and bolted for the door. It was locked. Bowser JR. let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Bowser,' he rebuked. Bowser JR. always had been a little insensitive, so Bowser knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Bowser JR. did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his Wand tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Bowser JR. looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Bowser. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Bowser. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Bowser JR. walked over to the window and looked down. Bowser was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Bowser was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Bowser JR.'s place. Bowser had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Toads suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Wand. One by one they latched on to Bowser. Already weakened from his injury, Bowser yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Toads running off with his Wand.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Bowser's Wand. Feeling displeased, God smote the Toads for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and jetted away with the fortitude of 153 Indonesian devil cats running from a oversized pack of 3-legged wallabies. Bowser stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Wand was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Youtube, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet pipe bomb'). Bowser was pleased. And so, everyone except Bowser JR. and a few rusty razor blade-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Bowser JR. picked up to a very mad Bowser. Bowser JR. calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies sigh before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually indiscriminately sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Bowser. Why was Bowser JR. trying to distract Bowser? Because he had snuck out from Bowser's with the Wand only three days prior. It was a striking little Wand... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Bowser got back to the subject at hand: his Wand. Bowser JR. yawned. Relunctantly, Bowser JR. invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Wand. Bowser grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Bowser JR. realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Wand and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Bowser took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least eleven minutes before Bowser would get there. But if he took the Kart? Then Bowser JR. would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Bowser JR. was interrupted by four funny-smelling Toads that were lured by his Wand. Bowser JR. grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he thoughtfully reached for his ninja star and carefully deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Kart rolling up. It was Bowser.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Bowser was out of the Kart and went wildly jaunting toward Bowser JR.'s front door. Meanwhile inside, Bowser JR. was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Wand into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his canoe. Bowser JR. was concerned but at least the Wand was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Bowser JR. charismatically purred. With a mighty push, Bowser opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish beer-sloshed tool in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Bowser JR. assured him. Bowser took a seat nearby where Bowser JR. had hidden the Wand. Bowser JR. cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Bowser was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Bowser JR. noticed a annoying look on Bowser's face. Bowser slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Bowser JR. felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Bowser asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Wand right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Bowser's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Bowser nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Bowser JR. could react, Bowser fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Wand was plainly in view.
Bowser stared at Bowser JR. for what what must've been four nanoseconds. Absolutely thrilled, Bowser JR. groped explosively in Bowser's direction, clearly desperate. Bowser grabbed the Wand and bolted for the door. It was locked. Bowser JR. let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Bowser,' he rebuked. Bowser JR. always had been a little insensitive, so Bowser knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Bowser JR. did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his Wand tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Bowser JR. looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Bowser. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Bowser. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Bowser JR. walked over to the window and looked down. Bowser was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Bowser was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Bowser JR.'s place. Bowser had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Toads suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Wand. One by one they latched on to Bowser. Already weakened from his injury, Bowser yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Toads running off with his Wand.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Bowser's Wand. Feeling displeased, God smote the Toads for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and jetted away with the fortitude of 153 Indonesian devil cats running from a oversized pack of 3-legged wallabies. Bowser stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Wand was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Youtube, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet pipe bomb'). Bowser was pleased. And so, everyone except Bowser JR. and a few rusty razor blade-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.