Ruby
Omega Ruby
Towns Folk
This is a story.
It all started when our over-heralded star, Mario, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling very puzzled, Mario hit a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Mushroom was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Luigi. Mario had known Luigi for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Luigi was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... dim-witted. Mario called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Luigi picked up to a very sad Mario. Luigi calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys belch before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually surreptitiously cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mario. Why was Luigi trying to distract Mario? Because he had snuck out from Mario's with the Mushroom only five days prior. It was a enticing little Mushroom... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Mario got back to the subject at hand: his Mushroom. Luigi belched. Reluctantly, Luigi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Mushroom. Mario grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Luigi realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Mushroom and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Mario took the magic flying carpet, he had take at least nine minutes before Mario would get there. But if he took the Kart? Then Luigi would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Luigi was interrupted by six clueless Goombas that were lured by his Mushroom. Luigi yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he skilfully reached for his ninja star and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Kart rolling up. It was Mario.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Mario was out of the Kart and went scandalously jaunting toward Luigi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Luigi was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Mushroom into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his time machine. Luigi was displeased but at least the Mushroom was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Luigi indiscriminately purred. With a inept push, Mario opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying genocidal maniac in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Luigi assured him. Mario took a seat mysteriously distant from where Luigi had hidden the Mushroom. Luigi yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Mario was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Luigi noticed a pestering look on Mario's face. Mario slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Luigi felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Mario asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Mushroom right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dim-witted look started to form on Mario's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mario nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Luigi could react, Mario recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Mushroom was plainly in view.
Mario stared at Luigi for what what must've been eleven milliseconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Luigi groped sassily in Mario's direction, clearly desperate. Mario grabbed the Mushroom and bolted for the door. It was locked. Luigi let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mario,' he rebuked. Luigi always had been a little annoying, so Mario knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Luigi did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Mushroom tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Luigi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mario. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tingle of concern for Mario. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Luigi walked over to the window and looked down. Mario was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Mario was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Luigi's place. Mario had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Goombas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Mushroom. One by one they latched on to Mario. Already weakened from his injury, Mario yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Goombas running off with his Mushroom.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Mario's Mushroom. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Goombas for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and whizzed away with the fortitude of 61 3-legged wallabies running from a huge pack of venomous koalas. Mario ran with joy when he saw this. His Mushroom was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favourite TV show, The Mario Show, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet contraceptive'). Mario was excited. And so, everyone except Luigi and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
It all started when our over-heralded star, Mario, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling very puzzled, Mario hit a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Mushroom was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Luigi. Mario had known Luigi for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Luigi was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... dim-witted. Mario called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Luigi picked up to a very sad Mario. Luigi calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys belch before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually surreptitiously cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mario. Why was Luigi trying to distract Mario? Because he had snuck out from Mario's with the Mushroom only five days prior. It was a enticing little Mushroom... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Mario got back to the subject at hand: his Mushroom. Luigi belched. Reluctantly, Luigi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Mushroom. Mario grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Luigi realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Mushroom and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Mario took the magic flying carpet, he had take at least nine minutes before Mario would get there. But if he took the Kart? Then Luigi would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Luigi was interrupted by six clueless Goombas that were lured by his Mushroom. Luigi yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he skilfully reached for his ninja star and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Kart rolling up. It was Mario.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Mario was out of the Kart and went scandalously jaunting toward Luigi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Luigi was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Mushroom into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his time machine. Luigi was displeased but at least the Mushroom was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Luigi indiscriminately purred. With a inept push, Mario opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying genocidal maniac in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Luigi assured him. Mario took a seat mysteriously distant from where Luigi had hidden the Mushroom. Luigi yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Mario was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Luigi noticed a pestering look on Mario's face. Mario slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Luigi felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Mario asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Mushroom right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dim-witted look started to form on Mario's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mario nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Luigi could react, Mario recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Mushroom was plainly in view.
Mario stared at Luigi for what what must've been eleven milliseconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Luigi groped sassily in Mario's direction, clearly desperate. Mario grabbed the Mushroom and bolted for the door. It was locked. Luigi let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mario,' he rebuked. Luigi always had been a little annoying, so Mario knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Luigi did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Mushroom tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Luigi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mario. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tingle of concern for Mario. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Luigi walked over to the window and looked down. Mario was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Mario was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Luigi's place. Mario had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Goombas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Mushroom. One by one they latched on to Mario. Already weakened from his injury, Mario yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Goombas running off with his Mushroom.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Mario's Mushroom. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Goombas for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and whizzed away with the fortitude of 61 3-legged wallabies running from a huge pack of venomous koalas. Mario ran with joy when he saw this. His Mushroom was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favourite TV show, The Mario Show, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet contraceptive'). Mario was excited. And so, everyone except Luigi and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
