D4rkDragon
Lemon Dragon
Towns Folk
Okay, I just got like real mad at Smash Tour, and I feel the need to make a rant about it. Just don't take it too seriously though, those are only my opinions. Ready? Let's start! (Note: I engage myself not to use any insults/swear words. Did I ever used any since I got here anyway ? 
)
Now, my rant is over, and thanks if you managed to read all of this "yet-to-be-published-and-sent-to-Sakurai" book (Joking, of course, but thanks anyway).
I've made a thread about it, because I think it'd be better to express yourself about it if you need to.
And another note: I still love Smash and my WiiU, and nobody or anything got injured in the making of this rant or during gameplay.
Thanks.
)Let's start with three words, the argumentation straight after: Smash Tour sucks. At a level over 9000, and in real time. Why does it sucks ? Let me tell you.
Smash Tour seems to aim for the board kind of game that most of the people tend to enjoy playing. However, where some board based game seem to depend sometimes either on skill or luck, Smash Tour want both. And, it tends to bring the definition of luck and skill to a level even I, being a mortal being, can't understand. It wants you to have a level of skill that nobody on this planet can have, and if that's not the case, the game wants you to be the new Mew2King player. Concretely, this mode is impossible.
Ignoring that, I decided to go ahead and have fun with my brother. Since we were aiming to unlock PAC-LAND, the only stage locked in my save, we've set the number of turns to 15. I took the smallest board. And, believe it or not, far beyond that picture was lying the definition of "hell" or "apocalypse". I thought the AI was balanced, and would adapt for my brother, who being only 6, isn't a player as good as me (seems logic, huh ?). Again, what a mistake.
The AI, called ORDI(X) (CPU and insert a number here), was, in fact, Terminator Mk-II. This sentient intelligence is capable of exceeding any Level 9, to the point where I think that even a Lv. 50 amiibo would have an hard time against them. It manages to break the level it was set to, and won't hesitate a second to deal massive torture to the player, in the form of Nintendo characters on coloured trophy stands, which deals a sledge of various effects, every one of them being more painful than the other. The ultimate worst being Tingle. If you ever manage to have a party who consists of characters you can adapt to easily, or if you manage to have a party worth of a good open-world JRPG, the CPU will use this item, and behold: Time and Space will be messed up, things will get wrong as if you were getting warped into an alternate universe, and then, say goodbye to your party. All of those nice characters will be shuffled, discarded, or anything you want between the players. Oh, and another devastating combo: The POW + the small Tom Nook-like trophies will crush your characters.
Then, we come to another key point: battles. What's a Smash-based board game without Smash ? Well, here, forget everything you know. You'll be in various situations, where bonuses gathered through blood, tears and sweat will count. And that's now that those red trophies matter. Each one of those allow you to start with an advantage, something the CPU will obviously exploit for its own purposes. And again, that's where luck enters in. You'll be able to note that you'll, 79,99% of the time, have trophies almost useless, while the CPU will have those trophies you just can't manage to get, and that will hand your head to you. Add to this the stressful conditions and high-tier Melee-players-like CPUs, and you've got the ST battles.
Also, here comes another key point: Boss Battles. Obviously, they carry with them a big ton of bonuses. Hint: You won't get them. As the name suggest, you face both the CPUs (who will kill the Boss) and... the Boss. And that's when logic-defying madness comes back. If the CPU defeats the boss, you lose your character. Just like in battles. Except that it seemed more obvious in battles, since you might get KO'd. But here, you survived only to see the console takes the characters from your own hands and give it in a nifty wrapping to the CPU. Can you believe it ? Me neither, but it happened many times to me.
Finally, if, after a level or courage and bravery a regular mortal isn't blessed with, you managed to survive and stand the *insert number between 15 and 30 here* turns of Smash Tour, you and the CPUs might be blessed with more statistics boosts. And a character that once again, will be handed to the CPU most of the time. And comes the ultimate battle. No situation, you just use your characters. That's a stock match, you'd think. Wrong, faux, falsch, falso. That's a time battle. And once again, unless if you manage to survive the CPU's unstoppable assaults on your characters, you won't be able to know it. It happened to my brother last time, where he had more characters, yet he lost because, you see, the CPU, despite having only Mega Man remaining, did more KOs than him. That day, I became enraged. I was enraged to the point of almost throwing the game disk through the window. That's cheating, trolling, you named it. How can the game expect a 6-year old child to beat Lv.6+ CPUs, if he wasn't familiar to the game? Worst again, he was using the Wiimote. No Nunchuk or Classic Controller.
So, recently, I just decided to gave the thing another shot, thinking: "Okay, it can't be that bad. Maybe I was just sucking at it.". I decided to start with my brother, and then, you know what happened. The game got me real mad, and to avoid breaking the GamePad, I threw it against my bed the same number of times I had to restart because of me getting those 1/2/3 and not anything higher, or just messed up logic. And the game even managed to break in the reality: It managed to corrupt my brother's soul and mind, he and I both got upset against each other about the game. And honestly, I felt really bad for it.
Hence why I've decided not to touch Smash Tour anymore. As said before, it is the truly incarnation of anything evil, and of the hatred. Even in the worst horror movies or violent movies, they, even if they tried their best, can't do worst than this.
Yet, despite the hate, I feel something good about it, because, as said by many computers engineers: "If you want your software, or a part of your software to be good, it must suck at one point". So, if Smash Tour suck, maybe an update or one day, it'll have a chance to become that true Smash-based board game we all want. One day. After all, the man can dream, no ? But for the meanwhile, I'll stop trying to hurt myself, and won't unlock Pac-Land.
Smash Tour seems to aim for the board kind of game that most of the people tend to enjoy playing. However, where some board based game seem to depend sometimes either on skill or luck, Smash Tour want both. And, it tends to bring the definition of luck and skill to a level even I, being a mortal being, can't understand. It wants you to have a level of skill that nobody on this planet can have, and if that's not the case, the game wants you to be the new Mew2King player. Concretely, this mode is impossible.
Ignoring that, I decided to go ahead and have fun with my brother. Since we were aiming to unlock PAC-LAND, the only stage locked in my save, we've set the number of turns to 15. I took the smallest board. And, believe it or not, far beyond that picture was lying the definition of "hell" or "apocalypse". I thought the AI was balanced, and would adapt for my brother, who being only 6, isn't a player as good as me (seems logic, huh ?). Again, what a mistake.
The AI, called ORDI(X) (CPU and insert a number here), was, in fact, Terminator Mk-II. This sentient intelligence is capable of exceeding any Level 9, to the point where I think that even a Lv. 50 amiibo would have an hard time against them. It manages to break the level it was set to, and won't hesitate a second to deal massive torture to the player, in the form of Nintendo characters on coloured trophy stands, which deals a sledge of various effects, every one of them being more painful than the other. The ultimate worst being Tingle. If you ever manage to have a party who consists of characters you can adapt to easily, or if you manage to have a party worth of a good open-world JRPG, the CPU will use this item, and behold: Time and Space will be messed up, things will get wrong as if you were getting warped into an alternate universe, and then, say goodbye to your party. All of those nice characters will be shuffled, discarded, or anything you want between the players. Oh, and another devastating combo: The POW + the small Tom Nook-like trophies will crush your characters.
Then, we come to another key point: battles. What's a Smash-based board game without Smash ? Well, here, forget everything you know. You'll be in various situations, where bonuses gathered through blood, tears and sweat will count. And that's now that those red trophies matter. Each one of those allow you to start with an advantage, something the CPU will obviously exploit for its own purposes. And again, that's where luck enters in. You'll be able to note that you'll, 79,99% of the time, have trophies almost useless, while the CPU will have those trophies you just can't manage to get, and that will hand your head to you. Add to this the stressful conditions and high-tier Melee-players-like CPUs, and you've got the ST battles.
Also, here comes another key point: Boss Battles. Obviously, they carry with them a big ton of bonuses. Hint: You won't get them. As the name suggest, you face both the CPUs (who will kill the Boss) and... the Boss. And that's when logic-defying madness comes back. If the CPU defeats the boss, you lose your character. Just like in battles. Except that it seemed more obvious in battles, since you might get KO'd. But here, you survived only to see the console takes the characters from your own hands and give it in a nifty wrapping to the CPU. Can you believe it ? Me neither, but it happened many times to me.
Finally, if, after a level or courage and bravery a regular mortal isn't blessed with, you managed to survive and stand the *insert number between 15 and 30 here* turns of Smash Tour, you and the CPUs might be blessed with more statistics boosts. And a character that once again, will be handed to the CPU most of the time. And comes the ultimate battle. No situation, you just use your characters. That's a stock match, you'd think. Wrong, faux, falsch, falso. That's a time battle. And once again, unless if you manage to survive the CPU's unstoppable assaults on your characters, you won't be able to know it. It happened to my brother last time, where he had more characters, yet he lost because, you see, the CPU, despite having only Mega Man remaining, did more KOs than him. That day, I became enraged. I was enraged to the point of almost throwing the game disk through the window. That's cheating, trolling, you named it. How can the game expect a 6-year old child to beat Lv.6+ CPUs, if he wasn't familiar to the game? Worst again, he was using the Wiimote. No Nunchuk or Classic Controller.
So, recently, I just decided to gave the thing another shot, thinking: "Okay, it can't be that bad. Maybe I was just sucking at it.". I decided to start with my brother, and then, you know what happened. The game got me real mad, and to avoid breaking the GamePad, I threw it against my bed the same number of times I had to restart because of me getting those 1/2/3 and not anything higher, or just messed up logic. And the game even managed to break in the reality: It managed to corrupt my brother's soul and mind, he and I both got upset against each other about the game. And honestly, I felt really bad for it.
Hence why I've decided not to touch Smash Tour anymore. As said before, it is the truly incarnation of anything evil, and of the hatred. Even in the worst horror movies or violent movies, they, even if they tried their best, can't do worst than this.
Yet, despite the hate, I feel something good about it, because, as said by many computers engineers: "If you want your software, or a part of your software to be good, it must suck at one point". So, if Smash Tour suck, maybe an update or one day, it'll have a chance to become that true Smash-based board game we all want. One day. After all, the man can dream, no ? But for the meanwhile, I'll stop trying to hurt myself, and won't unlock Pac-Land.
Now, my rant is over, and thanks if you managed to read all of this "yet-to-be-published-and-sent-to-Sakurai" book (Joking, of course, but thanks anyway
).I've made a thread about it, because I think it'd be better to express yourself about it if you need to.
And another note: I still love Smash and my WiiU, and nobody or anything got injured in the making of this rant or during gameplay.
Thanks.
?