Ruby
Omega Ruby
Towns Folk
Has some funny jokes!
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Fangio, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling abundantly stunned, Fangio deflowered a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved iPad was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Maomi. Fangio had known Maomi for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Maomi was unique. She was charismatic though sometimes a little... annoying. Fangio called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Maomi picked up to a very unctuous Fangio. Maomi calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks cringe before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually wildly cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fangio. Why was Maomi trying to distract Fangio? Because she had snuck out from Fangio's with the iPad only ten days prior. It was a saucy little iPad... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Fangio got back to the subject at hand: his iPad. Maomi turned red. Relunctantly, Maomi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the iPad. Fangio grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Maomi realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Fangio took the tricked out go kart, she had take at least two minutes before Fangio would get there. But if he took the Bullet Bill? Then Maomi would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Maomi was interrupted by two dimwitted Takis that were lured by her iPad. Maomi cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she randomly reached for her live hand grenade and aggressively attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bullet Bill rolling up. It was Fangio.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Fangio was out of the Bullet Bill and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Maomi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Maomi was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Maomi was exasperated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Maomi charismatically purred. With a inept push, Fangio opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive rationality-deprived <censored> in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Maomi assured him. Fangio took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Maomi had hidden the iPad. Maomi turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fangio was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Maomi noticed a funny-smelling look on Fangio's face. Fangio slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Maomi felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Fangio asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Fangio's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fangio nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Maomi could react, Fangio thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.
Fangio stared at Maomi for what what must've been nine days. Before anyone could take off their pants, Maomi groped surreptitiously in Fangio's direction, clearly desperate. Fangio grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Maomi let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fangio,' she rebuked. Maomi always had been a little oafish, so Fangio knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Maomi did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Maomi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fangio. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fangio. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Maomi walked over to the window and looked down. Fangio was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Fangio was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Maomi's place. Fangio had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Takis suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Fangio. Already weakened from his injury, Fangio yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Takis running off with his iPad.
But then God came down with His smart smile and restored Fangio's iPad. Feeling puzzled, God smote the Takis for their injustice. Then He got in His magic flying carpet and zipped away with the fortitude of 153 legless puppies running from a misshapen pack of albino cats. Fangio flipped with joy when he saw this. His iPad was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, 3DS Pedia Highlights, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet unborn fetus'). Fangio was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Maomi and a few pipe bomb-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Maomi picked up to a very unctuous Fangio. Maomi calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks cringe before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually wildly cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fangio. Why was Maomi trying to distract Fangio? Because she had snuck out from Fangio's with the iPad only ten days prior. It was a saucy little iPad... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Fangio got back to the subject at hand: his iPad. Maomi turned red. Relunctantly, Maomi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the iPad. Fangio grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Maomi realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Fangio took the tricked out go kart, she had take at least two minutes before Fangio would get there. But if he took the Bullet Bill? Then Maomi would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Maomi was interrupted by two dimwitted Takis that were lured by her iPad. Maomi cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she randomly reached for her live hand grenade and aggressively attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bullet Bill rolling up. It was Fangio.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Fangio was out of the Bullet Bill and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Maomi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Maomi was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Maomi was exasperated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Maomi charismatically purred. With a inept push, Fangio opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive rationality-deprived <censored> in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Maomi assured him. Fangio took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Maomi had hidden the iPad. Maomi turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fangio was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Maomi noticed a funny-smelling look on Fangio's face. Fangio slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Maomi felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Fangio asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Fangio's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fangio nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Maomi could react, Fangio thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.
Fangio stared at Maomi for what what must've been nine days. Before anyone could take off their pants, Maomi groped surreptitiously in Fangio's direction, clearly desperate. Fangio grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Maomi let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fangio,' she rebuked. Maomi always had been a little oafish, so Fangio knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Maomi did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Maomi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fangio. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fangio. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Maomi walked over to the window and looked down. Fangio was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Fangio was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Maomi's place. Fangio had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Takis suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Fangio. Already weakened from his injury, Fangio yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Takis running off with his iPad.
But then God came down with His smart smile and restored Fangio's iPad. Feeling puzzled, God smote the Takis for their injustice. Then He got in His magic flying carpet and zipped away with the fortitude of 153 legless puppies running from a misshapen pack of albino cats. Fangio flipped with joy when he saw this. His iPad was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, 3DS Pedia Highlights, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet unborn fetus'). Fangio was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Maomi and a few pipe bomb-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
