SURC reviews
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CaptainWiggy
Mr. Nice Guy
Towns Folk
6 god awful games for the price of 1 god awful game
The first thing you are likely to notice is that the 3D effect is almost overwhelming. Playing the game with the 3D slider up all the up literally actually hurts your eyes. That means that the only new feature this title brings to the games included — the 3D — is best left unused. Not a great start.
Actually, that's a bit unfair. Arcade Classics 3D does add one more difference to the games: it makes them all absolutely terrible. -_-
While it might be nice to list the games in increasing or decreasing order of quality, the sad truth is that they're all equally lousy, so I'll just list them in the order of the menu: Jewels is clone of Bejeweled, Bounce & Break is a clone of Arcanoid, Impacts is a clone of Asteroids, Pop it Up is a clone of Bust-A-Move , Swap is a clone of Columns , and Blocks is a clone of Tetris.
Jewels, Swap and Blocks all suffer from moving waaay too slow. For games that don't amount to much more than moving shapes from side to side, that's unforgivable.
It's particularly problematic in Swap and Blocks, because gamers are used to immediate response when dealing with the falling shapes. After all, that's the only way anyone could ever have gotten good at Columns or Tetris. Here, however, trying to move a piece left or right ends up with the piece moving like it's falling through really thick honey..jam maybe..point is its SLOW lol.
Jewels also seems to suffer the additional problem of the game playing itself. I lost count of how many levels ended simply because I lined up three jewels of the same type — without even thinking it through — and then sat patiently while stream after stream of matching jewels rushed into the empty spaces disappearing over and over again.
The level was "solved" without me having to really do anything. Sigh
Frankly I HAD to stop because it didn't get ANY harder with the progressing Levels.
Bounce & Break features its own spin on the unresponsive controls, because the paddle will continue gliding in one direction after you change it another, which turns the simple action of bouncing a ball into a nightmare of impossible prediction. Just like in Arkanoid, power-ups will fall from some blocks that are broken. However these fall excruciatingly
slowly, and the game is extremely picky about recognizing that they've touched your paddle; they will often phase right through. What's more, collecting a power-up causes an opaque "explosion" effect to obscure your view of the paddle, making it incredibly easy to miss the ball simply because you can't see where you are.
(Bounce and Break power ups are EVIL!!) :/
Pop it Up is probably the most shameless of all the clones, as it
actually lifts specific level arrangements right from Bust-A-Move. It wasn't just the concept that was cloned, it was the actual puzzles, meaning no real thought went into this one at all. It controls decently enough, which is nice, but the evidence of laziness is truly revealed when the game comes to a dead stop after around two dozen levels.
Arcade Classics 3D stole just enough level design from Bust-A-Move to trick you into thinking it was worth playing. In truth it offers just a handful of levels...and then unceremoniously stops.
(Think the ending of The Sopranos, only less forgivable)
Impacts is the last game, and it sees you flying around space, firing lasers at asteroids that then break into smaller pieces. There's some attempt to spice this one up, as there are two different types of guns you can use and a shield meter that prevents every collision from being an instant kill. However the bad far outweighs the good, as the graphics in this game make it difficult to tell the asteroids from the background. Not helping matters is the fact that moving objects will sometimes soar harmlessly by behind you, though in the heat of the moment it's easy to get fooled by them and end up dodging something that wasn't actually an obstacle.
Arcade Classics 3D is more than just a lousy collection of inept
minigames; it's lazy to boot. With sluggish response to your inputs,
painfully strong 3D effects and a steadfast refusal to twist in any way the experiences of the six much better games it shamelessly clones, this might rank as one of the worst eShop releases yet. The one thing I can say in its favour is that the controls do technically work these games are indeed "playable."
Like seriously if I could "un get" this game I would >.<
The Wiggy rating? ...1/5
DO NOT BUY...
The first thing you are likely to notice is that the 3D effect is almost overwhelming. Playing the game with the 3D slider up all the up literally actually hurts your eyes. That means that the only new feature this title brings to the games included — the 3D — is best left unused. Not a great start.
Actually, that's a bit unfair. Arcade Classics 3D does add one more difference to the games: it makes them all absolutely terrible. -_-
While it might be nice to list the games in increasing or decreasing order of quality, the sad truth is that they're all equally lousy, so I'll just list them in the order of the menu: Jewels is clone of Bejeweled, Bounce & Break is a clone of Arcanoid, Impacts is a clone of Asteroids, Pop it Up is a clone of Bust-A-Move , Swap is a clone of Columns , and Blocks is a clone of Tetris.
Jewels, Swap and Blocks all suffer from moving waaay too slow. For games that don't amount to much more than moving shapes from side to side, that's unforgivable.
It's particularly problematic in Swap and Blocks, because gamers are used to immediate response when dealing with the falling shapes. After all, that's the only way anyone could ever have gotten good at Columns or Tetris. Here, however, trying to move a piece left or right ends up with the piece moving like it's falling through really thick honey..jam maybe..point is its SLOW lol.
Jewels also seems to suffer the additional problem of the game playing itself. I lost count of how many levels ended simply because I lined up three jewels of the same type — without even thinking it through — and then sat patiently while stream after stream of matching jewels rushed into the empty spaces disappearing over and over again.
The level was "solved" without me having to really do anything. Sigh
Frankly I HAD to stop because it didn't get ANY harder with the progressing Levels.Bounce & Break features its own spin on the unresponsive controls, because the paddle will continue gliding in one direction after you change it another, which turns the simple action of bouncing a ball into a nightmare of impossible prediction. Just like in Arkanoid, power-ups will fall from some blocks that are broken. However these fall excruciatingly
slowly, and the game is extremely picky about recognizing that they've touched your paddle; they will often phase right through. What's more, collecting a power-up causes an opaque "explosion" effect to obscure your view of the paddle, making it incredibly easy to miss the ball simply because you can't see where you are.
(Bounce and Break power ups are EVIL!!) :/
Pop it Up is probably the most shameless of all the clones, as it
actually lifts specific level arrangements right from Bust-A-Move. It wasn't just the concept that was cloned, it was the actual puzzles, meaning no real thought went into this one at all. It controls decently enough, which is nice, but the evidence of laziness is truly revealed when the game comes to a dead stop after around two dozen levels.
Arcade Classics 3D stole just enough level design from Bust-A-Move to trick you into thinking it was worth playing. In truth it offers just a handful of levels...and then unceremoniously stops.
(Think the ending of The Sopranos, only less forgivable)
Impacts is the last game, and it sees you flying around space, firing lasers at asteroids that then break into smaller pieces. There's some attempt to spice this one up, as there are two different types of guns you can use and a shield meter that prevents every collision from being an instant kill. However the bad far outweighs the good, as the graphics in this game make it difficult to tell the asteroids from the background. Not helping matters is the fact that moving objects will sometimes soar harmlessly by behind you, though in the heat of the moment it's easy to get fooled by them and end up dodging something that wasn't actually an obstacle.
Arcade Classics 3D is more than just a lousy collection of inept
minigames; it's lazy to boot. With sluggish response to your inputs,
painfully strong 3D effects and a steadfast refusal to twist in any way the experiences of the six much better games it shamelessly clones, this might rank as one of the worst eShop releases yet. The one thing I can say in its favour is that the controls do technically work these games are indeed "playable."
Like seriously if I could "un get" this game I would >.<
The Wiggy rating? ...1/5
DO NOT BUY...