Traffic violations
Abigail Picket was a sneaky, conniving old lady. She knew the secret to getting away with things. She knew, the older you get, the more innocent you look. So most of her crimes had taken place between her ages of 60-78 years old. There are many stories about what terrible things she’s done. For example, cutting a hole in a farmers pig pen to get free bacon, or uprooting her neighbors pine tree to keep as her own. But now, we’re going to focus on the last tale of her treachery, in which it starts like so.
As Abigail dug her fork into her stolen pork chop, she had a sudden feeling as if she was forgetting something. She looked at her beautiful roman numeral clock, which she got from an antique store after claiming it was stolen merchandise, and saying she was the owner, so she didn’t have to pay for it. Then she looked at her calendar. It was 6:20 on may 16th.
Her eyes widened. She jumped out of her seat, and grabbed her purse. She rushed out the door, and paused slightly after stumbling on her stolen pine tree. She leaped into her car, flipped the ignition, and floored it. She was going 160 MPH on a highway where the max speed was 80 MPH, but she was in too much a rush to think of her speed. How could she be so absent-minded? Bingo would start in 40 minutes! Soon she heard the blaring of police sirens. She looked at her speedometer. She slowed down, till she was at a total stop. She had to think of something fast! The fine would make her late for bingo! She went through her options… Then, she had an idea.
As the cop was walking sternly towards her, she rolled down her window. Before the officer could even open his mouth to speak, Abigail said “I did it officer. I admit the whole thing. I killed my cousin Anna, and robbed the Harrison bank. I’m sorry officer. She owed me twenty whole dollars. I robbed the bank, then killed her for revenge. The moneys spent, but her body is in the trunk.”
He stood motionless. The officer picked up his walki-talki and said into it “I think we have a murderer or psycho here. I might need back-up.” He put it back in his pouch.
Abigail looked at his badge which conveniently had his name on it. Dave thought that Abigail was a crazy old lady, who had lost her marbles. To see if she was insane, Dave asked “What year were you born in?”
in which, Abigail responded, “I was born in thirteen-ninety-eleven. I look quite young, don’t I?” Abigail knew exactly what he was up to, and she was going to play along ‘till just the right moment.
“Can I have your license and registration please.”
“Certainly, ma’am” Dave rolled his eyes. The insane ones are always the most annoying. he thought.
“It’s all falsely admissible! The license real, but the registrations real.” she said to confuse him. He cringed at her.
Abigail started to hear the blaring of police sirens from the distance. Soon, another car pulled up. Another officer came out, with black hair, and bags under his eyes. He looked about 30, next to Dave, who looked only about 25 with blonde hair.
“Hey simon. How ya been?” Said Dave feeling sort of relieved.
“It was a long night. Why’d you need back-up?” he replied tiredly.
After Dave and Simon got closer, Dave started to tell Simon of the previous minutes with Abigail.
“And that’s why you needed back-up? An insane lady who you could have just taken to a mental ward?” asked Simon annoyed.
“Well, you see, for the first minute or so I believed her. That’s when I called for back-up. ‘till I found out she was a looney.”
“Look, lemme go talk to her. I wanna see this myself.”
Abigail knew this was her chance to get away with it. She took her chance.
Simon walked over to Abigail, and said, “Alright. Abigail is it? What year were you born?”
“I was born 1936. I am 78. What’s this all about officer?” she replied.
Simon was bewildered.
“Did the other officer tell you why you were pulled over?”
“He said something about me murdering my cousin. But my mother and father were both only children. He also said something about me robbing a bank. Then, he insisted on taking me to the mental ward.”
“May I see your license and registration?”
“Certainly” she replied.
She handed over the papers. Simon looked it over. He handed them back over.
“One moment please, ma’am.”
Dave started looking fearful. Simon walked over to him, and started talking to him. Abigail couldn’t hear what they were saying, which is probably a good thing to keep this story child-friendly. In a minute, they stopped speaking to each other, and Dave drove off. Simon returned to Abigail, and said. “I’m sorry for your troubles ma’am. He has a … vivid imagination. Carry on.”
“Thank you, kind officer.” she replied sweetly.
Once again, she had gotten away with it. And only 5 minutes ‘till bingo! She had to hurry! But the situation that had just occurred was very tiresome to someone of her age, so she decided to follow the law just until she got there.
When she drove up to the lot, she noticed a sign hanging on the door knob. After she got a bit closer to it, she could read it clearly. It read “Bingo tonight cancelled. Sorry folks.” Abigail suddenly became enraged, and so enraged, in fact, her blood pressure went sky-high, and Abigail Picket… Had a fatal heart attack.
THE END
Abigail Picket was a sneaky, conniving old lady. She knew the secret to getting away with things. She knew, the older you get, the more innocent you look. So most of her crimes had taken place between her ages of 60-78 years old. There are many stories about what terrible things she’s done. For example, cutting a hole in a farmers pig pen to get free bacon, or uprooting her neighbors pine tree to keep as her own. But now, we’re going to focus on the last tale of her treachery, in which it starts like so.
As Abigail dug her fork into her stolen pork chop, she had a sudden feeling as if she was forgetting something. She looked at her beautiful roman numeral clock, which she got from an antique store after claiming it was stolen merchandise, and saying she was the owner, so she didn’t have to pay for it. Then she looked at her calendar. It was 6:20 on may 16th.
Her eyes widened. She jumped out of her seat, and grabbed her purse. She rushed out the door, and paused slightly after stumbling on her stolen pine tree. She leaped into her car, flipped the ignition, and floored it. She was going 160 MPH on a highway where the max speed was 80 MPH, but she was in too much a rush to think of her speed. How could she be so absent-minded? Bingo would start in 40 minutes! Soon she heard the blaring of police sirens. She looked at her speedometer. She slowed down, till she was at a total stop. She had to think of something fast! The fine would make her late for bingo! She went through her options… Then, she had an idea.
As the cop was walking sternly towards her, she rolled down her window. Before the officer could even open his mouth to speak, Abigail said “I did it officer. I admit the whole thing. I killed my cousin Anna, and robbed the Harrison bank. I’m sorry officer. She owed me twenty whole dollars. I robbed the bank, then killed her for revenge. The moneys spent, but her body is in the trunk.”
He stood motionless. The officer picked up his walki-talki and said into it “I think we have a murderer or psycho here. I might need back-up.” He put it back in his pouch.
Abigail looked at his badge which conveniently had his name on it. Dave thought that Abigail was a crazy old lady, who had lost her marbles. To see if she was insane, Dave asked “What year were you born in?”
in which, Abigail responded, “I was born in thirteen-ninety-eleven. I look quite young, don’t I?” Abigail knew exactly what he was up to, and she was going to play along ‘till just the right moment.
“Can I have your license and registration please.”
“Certainly, ma’am” Dave rolled his eyes. The insane ones are always the most annoying. he thought.
“It’s all falsely admissible! The license real, but the registrations real.” she said to confuse him. He cringed at her.
Abigail started to hear the blaring of police sirens from the distance. Soon, another car pulled up. Another officer came out, with black hair, and bags under his eyes. He looked about 30, next to Dave, who looked only about 25 with blonde hair.
“Hey simon. How ya been?” Said Dave feeling sort of relieved.
“It was a long night. Why’d you need back-up?” he replied tiredly.
After Dave and Simon got closer, Dave started to tell Simon of the previous minutes with Abigail.
“And that’s why you needed back-up? An insane lady who you could have just taken to a mental ward?” asked Simon annoyed.
“Well, you see, for the first minute or so I believed her. That’s when I called for back-up. ‘till I found out she was a looney.”
“Look, lemme go talk to her. I wanna see this myself.”
Abigail knew this was her chance to get away with it. She took her chance.
Simon walked over to Abigail, and said, “Alright. Abigail is it? What year were you born?”
“I was born 1936. I am 78. What’s this all about officer?” she replied.
Simon was bewildered.
“Did the other officer tell you why you were pulled over?”
“He said something about me murdering my cousin. But my mother and father were both only children. He also said something about me robbing a bank. Then, he insisted on taking me to the mental ward.”
“May I see your license and registration?”
“Certainly” she replied.
She handed over the papers. Simon looked it over. He handed them back over.
“One moment please, ma’am.”
Dave started looking fearful. Simon walked over to him, and started talking to him. Abigail couldn’t hear what they were saying, which is probably a good thing to keep this story child-friendly. In a minute, they stopped speaking to each other, and Dave drove off. Simon returned to Abigail, and said. “I’m sorry for your troubles ma’am. He has a … vivid imagination. Carry on.”
“Thank you, kind officer.” she replied sweetly.
Once again, she had gotten away with it. And only 5 minutes ‘till bingo! She had to hurry! But the situation that had just occurred was very tiresome to someone of her age, so she decided to follow the law just until she got there.
When she drove up to the lot, she noticed a sign hanging on the door knob. After she got a bit closer to it, she could read it clearly. It read “Bingo tonight cancelled. Sorry folks.” Abigail suddenly became enraged, and so enraged, in fact, her blood pressure went sky-high, and Abigail Picket… Had a fatal heart attack.
THE END
