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The Loss of Innocence

Mmmhahaha...ITS ME!

  1. Jeff The Killer

Recent Comments

  1. Andrew19990905
    not bad i like it
  2. ToxicWolf1132
    that was awesome! Update soon!! I WANT BLOOD!!!!!...that came out as more psychotic then I intended
    1. Jeff The Killer
      Blogger's Response
      Oh there will be blood :D...that sounded dark. But yeah there will be blood. That's why I'm keeping on Wattpad XD.
  3. Spinnerweb
    Story-wise, I absolutely love it so far. The end of Page 4 was chilling. Will there be more? D:

    If you need critique for improvement: The grammar was ocassionally a little erattic, switching between past tense and present tense - it should be entirely present tense. For example, on the first page - 'Mr. Schmidt frowns, he could never get Liu to open up' should be 'Mr. Schmidt frowned; he could never get Liu to open up.' Also, the punctuation could stand to be a little better.

    But I'm sounding like a grammar Nazi here >.< Story-wise it's great. Mr. Schmidt seems like the ideal teacher, so caring of his students, to be honest it's very sweet :D Purple Guy is creepy, I like how you showed his character bit by bit - his outward friendliness, his 'inhuman growl' part impressed me because that was the first indication he really wasn't as friendly on the inside, and what he's actually up to.

    It's very, very good.
    1. Jeff The Killer
      Blogger's Response
      Aha Thanks Spinner, and you don't sound like a Grammar Nazi. I like getting feedback that helps with me becoming a better writer :).